Skys.The.Limit [entries|friends|calendar] Chelsea [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Day 2 w/ out you continued.... [10/31/05 8:55pm] [ mood | scared ] [ music | Ray J - One Wish ] Well I was right about one thing earlier... More tears were to come today. It definately wasnt as bad as yesterday tho, thank God. I cried alot while getting ready today an on my way to an from class. It seemed like every song that came on the radio was one of our songs. Like You, Cater To You, Girl Tonight... All in a row. After I had been home for a while I was ok, then my mom came home an I got sad again. We went to CVS to get my prescription. The last time I did that was the last time you came over my house. You were sleeping while I went to do that an go tanning. I wasnt even gone for 30 min but still you were texting me saying you miss me an to hurry up. Its so hard because I dont want things to be over. I really really dont. An I jus have a feeling that they are over for real this time, which breaks my heart even more. I cant stand not talking to you or seeing you anymore. Its been over 24hrs since hearing from you. You sent me that text message last night an that was it. I guess its almost been 2 whole days cause thats really nothing. I hate this.... I am scared Ron.... So damn scared. I dont want to get over you an I dont want you to get over me. I dont want us to not speak in the future. I dont want you to find someone else an her not allow you to speak to me either. I dont want that to be us. I dont want us to be history, I want us to be the future. I wonder what your doing constantly, an if you wonder the same about me. I want to know what you're feeling. I really just would like to hear from you. I dont want to be forgotten. I was watching a tv show last night w/ my mom... It was kinda like ER. But anyways, ppl were dying an telling their loved ones how they felt an their last words an everything. An that made me think... If something were to happen to me I would want you to be there... An I would hope you would want me to be there too. I dont want us to be just each others exes.... *Cries* comment

Day 2 w/ out you.... [10/31/05 11:29am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Mariah - Mine Again ] I havent cried as much so far today as yesterday, but then again it is only 11:30am so Im sure it wont be long before Im back cuddled in my bed, face in my pillow crying. I just cant get thoughts of you out of my head. Today Im thinking all the way back to day 1 when I first came over your house. I remember as I was getting ready an trying to look good for you cause I wanted you to think I was beautiful. I couldnt decide what to wear, so I went through everything in my closet//dresser until finally deciding on jeans an a black tank top over a wife beater, an my black an white air force ones. I remember the nervousness I felt in my stomach driving down 275 South that short distance to the Ecorse Rd exit... The first exit right after I had gotten on @ Mich Ave. An then I was basically there. I remember calling you asking where to park, an you telling me to park across the street in front of your house. I remember getting out of my car an how I felt walking up to your house. Then seeing you open the door an finally getting that hug. It seems like I had been waiting my whole life for that one first hug. I remember sitting on the couch watching tv w/ you, jus wanting to be so close to you. Even from that very first moment I jus felt that there was something about you. Then you finally took my hand in yours an from that moment on I wanted to be yours forever. It was just something about the way I felt when I was w/ you, even from that very first day. Even though all we did was sit on that couch w/ that Elmo blanket cuddling an watching tv, It was one of the best days of my life. The day I met you... It was everything Id hoped it would be. Simple, yet perfect. I remember leaving you that day, I didnt want to leave you already, but I remember I had to go to my moms work an make copies. We said our goodbyes an then I walked out to my car. You stood on your front porch an jus as I had opened my car door, you yelled out to me "Am I lucky ??" I was so happy you had asked me that because I had wanted to kiss you the whole time I was w/ you, I was just scared. I walked back up to you an gave you a hug, looked up @ you about 2ft from where I stand, an stared into your eyes. I was nervous that first time because I didnt know how you wanted me to kiss you. But when it happend it was perfect... Three short an sweet kisses, a perfect first kiss that I will always remember. I felt like I was the happiest girl alive when I was driving to my moms job after I had left you, an I rushed in to tell her all about you. She was happy that it seemed like I had finally found someone. I remember that same day, you telling me that you dont care if a girl has her nails done or not, dressed up alot or not, did her hair everyday or not... you didnt care about physical//material things, an I was glad to hear that because neither do I. I had only wanted to impress you that first day. After I had got home that day, I took all my nails off an wore joggin pants an t shirts to your house every day after that. I also remember you telling me not to think you're weird if I ever caught you just staring @ me. You told me that you thought my eyes were beautiful an you could just stare into them forever. You have no idea how special that made me feel, because no guy had ever told me anything like that. I knew this was going to be for real.... I remember coming over almost every morning after that until you moved back into school. We never did much, but lay together an watch movies. ((Shrek 2, Love an Basketball, Texas Chainsaw Massacre...)) You were the only person I have ever woke up that early for. I wish I could go back in time to that first day we met. I want to feel like I am the happiest girl in the world again, an not the most miserable one =[ I just cant accept the possibility We werent made for each others arms I know you're my destiny We cant erase what was meant to be Part of you an part of me If we try one more time Maybe somehow we'll survive xoxo 2 comment

Day 1 w/ out you... [10/30/05 6:03pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Mariah - Dont Forget About Us ] I cried myself to sleep las night an woke up crying w/ only you on my mind. It was about 9:30am when my eyes opened this morning... Full of tears. I layed in bed for almost an hour crying, an then I finally got out of bed, grabbed a tissue, an walked out to the living room. I sat on the couch to watch tv w/ my mom but I couldnt stay out there. So I went back in my room to cry some more, an thats really all I've been doin today. I jus cant stop crying. I sit online, staring @ the monitor, not talking to anybody, but jus waiting for you to IM me, an I check my email constantly jus hoping that I will have a new message from you. I keep my phone in my hand @ all times jus incase you decide to send a text or call me, an the second I hear Sadie bark I run to look out the kitchen window wishing that maybe, jus maybe you somehow got a ride out here an jus wanted to see me. I do all of this knowing none of this is probably going to happen. Its so much more harder this time around because I know its really over this time an that jus kills me. You seem to be so sure w/ your feelings, that you dont want to stay w/ me an work through everything for real this time. I jus want to be able to know that you are mine, an that I am yours. Everything I do, see, an even think about reminds me of something about you... I couldnt go grocery shopping w/ my mom @ Meijers today because of all the times we went there... Like the 3am trip to get a fan the first night I stayed w/ you, an the time we went before you left for Spain to get you all the food you wanted, an then the very last time we went there together after we had got back together the first time an we basically jus bought everything we could get our hands on. I can barely even look @ Sadie any more w/ out breaking into tears all over again because I think of how excited she always got when you came over. An all I can picture is me coming back from the shower an walking into my room seeing her laying w/ you. Im sure she misses you too. Brushing my teeth is now a sad thing to do for me. When I opened the cupboard to get out my tooth brush I saw yours laying next to mine. I cried even while brusing my teeth because I just thought of how many times we've brushed our teeth together. When you gave me my things back las night I jus sat in my car crying w/ my head in my pillow smelling your scent all over it. I want to be able to wake up in the middle of the night in your arms holding me tight... Sit in your lap while your sitting at your desk on your laptop... Play Tetris for hours trying to beat your score when I know its impossible for me to do... Ice your shins after practice an rub your back while we lay watching tv... Wake up @ 7am to your sidekick playing Trey Songz an TI... Sneak into the mens bathroom to take a shower w/ you so late @ night an worry about getting caught... Get off the exit from 94 an turn onto State Street knowing I am only a few minutes from being w/ you... Your roommate "watching" us... Wake you up @ all hrs of the night so you can walk me down the hall to the bathroom... Buy 10 rice crispie treats from the vending machine because they keep getting stuck an walking around the whole building to find one w/ apple pie in it... Go to McDonalds an get apple pies, fish sandwiches, an mcflurries... Drive to Blockbuster an find out your card was reported missing, then go to that campus video store w/ the ghetto door... Go to Meijers for no reason @ all an jus stand around smellin every last body wash on the shelf... Goin to the movies to see stupid movies like War of The Worlds an The Devils Rejects... Hold your hand, hug you, kiss you... EVERYTHING !!! I want you to be mine, an me yours again... I really do. I NEED my baby. I think Ive cried so much that I dont have any more tears left, because I find myself crying w/ no tears falling down my face. I miss you Ron Coleman Jr more than you will ever know =[ I love you Ron Coleman Jr more than you will ever know. Even though I know you will never even read any of this, I just need to pretend for myself that you do.... 7 comment

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